Dear Getting Up Early,
You are the worst way to start a day, because people like me never get enough sleep the night before. We're too busy worrying we won't get enough sleep, which keeps our minds awake longer, and calculating, to the minute, the exact amount we could get if we fell into the REM state that second.
I hereby propose an end to all times before the time currently known as "9 a.m." and for this "9 a.m." to be renamed "9 m.f.f.r.r.t." ("mothuhfuckin' fer real realz time").
Love,
Kymba
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